A TikTok video discussing the unique pressures faced by eldest daughters has gone viral, amassing millions of views and sparking widespread debate. The theory suggests that eldest daughters are often raised with the same expectations as firstborn sons, leading to a unique set of psychological challenges and responsibilities.
Key Takeaways
- The theory, dubbed "eldest daughter syndrome," posits that firstborn females are often raised with masculine traits and responsibilities.
- Clinical psychologist Patty Johnson confirms that eldest daughters frequently bear the burden of being the family’s emotional and practical "fixer."
- This dynamic can lead to suppressed emotions, anxiety, and difficulties in adult relationships.
The Viral TikTok Theory
Stella (@stellascholaja) shared a TikTok video that delves into what she calls "eldest daughter syndrome." According to Stella, fathers often raise their firstborn daughters as if they were sons, instilling in them masculine traits and the expectation to be the "head of the family." The video resonated with many, garnering 5.9 million views and over 940,000 likes.
Commenters on the video echoed Stella’s sentiments, sharing personal anecdotes that aligned with the theory. One user mentioned, "No wonder why my dad tells me to ‘man up’ whenever I used to cry or show weakness." Another added, "I saw a quote that said, ‘the eldest daughters are some of the toughest men you’ll ever meet,’ things started to make sense ever since."
Expert Opinion
Newsweek consulted clinical psychologist Patty Johnson to weigh in on the theory. Johnson affirmed that the experiences shared by Stella and her commenters are not far-fetched. "In both my clinical and personal experience, eldest daughters are often treated as the eldest son," she said. "The eldest daughter often carries the responsibility of being the ‘fixer,’ not only of things and circumstances but of emotions."
Johnson explained that this expectation to "fix" things forces eldest daughters to develop a thick skin and maintain composure during crises. This tough exterior often sends a message that they do not need reciprocal care, leading to suppressed emotions and potential mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Real-Life Implications
Johnson shared her own experiences to illustrate the theory’s impact. As an eldest daughter, she was tasked with chores typically assigned to boys, such as mowing the lawn and shoveling snow, while still being expected to look "pretty" and feminine. This duality of responsibilities continued into her adulthood, affecting her relationships.
"In adulthood, my siblings and I have noticed that although my parents call and check on them, they often only call me because they are in need of my help," Johnson said. "This dynamic that caused me to feel needed in childhood became the very thing that caused me to attend to my partner’s needs and prevented me from expressing my needs with my partner."
The Burden of Eldest Daughterhood
As Stella and others online point out, the burden of being an eldest daughter is not for the fainthearted. The hardest part is that they must perform their tasks with a smile. "The expectation is that we do it all and do it well," Johnson said. "We are to be strong and also be feminine and beautiful. The result is a woman who has had unmet needs for nurturing, sometimes deep into adult life and in relationships."
