Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner, who dated briefly in 2009, have maintained a surprising and eye-catching friendship over the years. Lautner has attended several of Swift’s Eras tour concerts, often accompanied by his wife, also named Taylor. This unique friendship has sparked discussions about the feasibility and benefits of staying friends with an ex.
Key Takeaways
- Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner dated in 2009 but have remained close friends.
- Lautner has attended multiple Eras tour concerts with his wife.
- Their friendship raises questions about the pros and cons of staying friends with an ex.
A Unique Friendship
Taylor Lautner holds a rare, coveted position among Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends: He’s publicly on great terms with her. Lautner and Swift were an item back in 2009. But more than a decade later, he’s now gone to several Eras tour concerts with his wife – also named Taylor, seriously – most recently this week in London. He also appeared onstage at her Kansas City, Missouri, stop last year to promote the music video for the Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) song "I Can See You." He even had a starring role in it.
The Benefits of Staying Friends with an Ex
The best romantic relationships are often rooted in friendships. Just because a romantic spark sputtered doesn’t mean a friendship should fall apart. As Lautner and Swift show, it’s possible.
- Emotional Support: A friendship, particularly after a long relationship, can help people work through the breakup.
- Personal Growth: Psychological research shows that people who remain friends with their exes tend to report higher levels of personal growth and satisfaction with their post-breakup lives.
- Shared Values: It is absolutely OK to be friends with an ex, particularly when there were personality traits or commonalities in value and experience that brought the individuals together in the first place.
The Risks of Staying Friends with an Ex
While there are benefits, there are also risks involved in staying friends with an ex.
- Unresolved Feelings: If you have unresolved romantic feelings toward them, it’s never going to be appropriate.
- Control Issues: It can be harmful if one party is hoping to use friendship to reinsert themselves into the other’s life, or to destroy future romantic relationships.
- Territorial Feelings: Even if romantic feelings aren’t involved, you may still feel territorial about whom your ex dates.
- Current Partner’s Comfort: Your current partner may also feel uncomfortable if you maintain a relationship with your ex.
Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Friendship with an Ex
- Set Boundaries: Don’t want to hear about your ex’s life, like whom they’re dating? Probably a sign to keep your distance.
- Build in Transition Time: That doesn’t mean a few weeks. Try months. You’re used to having a certain level of support or that extra person to talk to or that first person to text, and you don’t have them anymore – that’s going to come with an adjustment.
- Be Friendly, Not Friends: If you both decide to be friends, both of you should be able to respect the new boundaries and expectations of the relationship and be able to allow each other to flourish.
- Don’t Hang on to the Past: You can’t build a relationship off nostalgia.
- Be Honest with Your Current Partner: Showing a new partner that there is nothing deceptive or hidden will help allow for them to feel more at ease.
- Consider Your Ex’s Motivations: Maybe they want to keep you on the back burner but they also want to date other people, and they’re still making it so that you’re not able to be emotionally available for other people.
- Explore New Relationships: Just because the relationship was good doesn’t mean you won’t find that elsewhere.
Generally, check in with yourself. If you want to be friends with an ex, it’s important to first be honest with yourself about your motivations and feelings. If you find that being friends with your ex is causing more pain than joy, it may be time to reevaluate the friendship and consider ending it.
It seems you’d have to pry Lautner’s friendship bracelets away with a crowbar.
